Raw & Real Letting Go

Life is really happening....

I have experienced letting go of many things in the past. Letting go of shame was one of the biggest, I thought. Letting go of hatred was another big one, I thought. Letting go of my home was huge, I thought. Letting go of my financial security was enormous, I thought. Letting go of my conditioning from religion was monumental, I thought. I could go on…..

However, letting go of my child was/is the greatest ineffable letting go I have ever done. I cannot explain it in words. There are those learned folks that label this as being detached. No, that is not what occurred, at least in my understanding, currently, of the word detachment. I did surrender! But this surrendering was not the kind of surrender I did on my knees giving up hope. This surrender was giving over to a greater understanding than I could not comprehend. This surrender was not to a terrorist god that was trying to kill me (although it did feel like torture in the most gruesome form). This surrender was not giving control over to an agenda or something that is taught in a weekend workshop (which is extremely beneficial in a utilitarian way). I let go simply to All that was, All that is, and All that ever will be. I let go…….exhausted….tears no longer coming….at the very precipice of all things known and unknown….

As I have told many people, because I have had a personal experience, does not mean it is a Universal Truth for everyone. But, this experience changed the fabric of my reality, my belief, my very cells were changed. I think this is spiritual epigenetics at its best.

As you know, I had taken the month of April to tend my life and me. I could not have known what the Universe and I were about to embark on. There are many details that I cannot share for lack of adequate, very intimate description of the letting go. However, I will tell you in an instant my child’s life was changed, awakened, turned around, and set free and so was mine. This, this, after many, many years of suffering. Even if her circumstances had not changed in this world, I had let go and I was forever transformed.

Simply put, I believed in my very core that I had to be irreversibly, infinitely everything to my child who had been born with a congenital, debilitating disorder. In the instant of letting go, the earth-shattering realization is there is no such soul contract that is required!!!! This construct was in my (skull-brain) which is very separate than my mind. Perhaps from conditioning? Perhaps from generational beliefs? (More on that subject in another blog)

My blog message is that letting go is personal, intimate, and can be hell-hard. But when you do, you make room for all possibilities and are at peace with whatever the outcome(s).

Thank you all for holding space, praying, and all good things that you have sent my way………

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